Oct 16 Update

Well, yesterday I could see Dennis waking…slowly. As I talked to him he was putting the weight of his arm in my hand. Frowning and shaking his head. More movement each day now. I asked if he could hear me, would he squeeze my hand and he did! He is struggling as he comes to the surface with the tubing in his mouth and throat. I can imagine how that must feel. As someone with a high gag reflex, it makes me struggle to see him struggle. I pray that he can come to the surface more without agitation. I urged him to remain calm and I remind him of the day of the week, where he is and why.

As he surfaces and becomes agitated, his blood pressure goes up and his heart works harder. They are trying to find the balance in waking him and keeping him from working too hard. So, they had given him another sort of sedation the night before last and may have had to last night.

He is on the bladder irrigation. The kidneys are the issue now. They need healing.

As he had no clots in his legs, they are suspending doing any CT’s of his lungs, as his breathing has improved so much and they don’t want more damage to the kidneys. They will heal, I pray that daily and as many of our organs do, they heal themselves over time. I am contending for that, as I know you are.

Abigail is doing a bit better daily. I am now able to make things she might like and took her meat loaf and mashed potatoes for her dinner last night. With green peas…comfort food.

I feel rather suspended here. Life has taken another turn and my new norm is this heading over to Dennis daily. The assessors at the front of the hospital are recognizing me. The nursing staff the same. What was unknown to me on Monday is now familiar. I pass the first steps, the COVID security. Walk down and over to ICU and buzz for entry. Sometimes waiting for them to let me in, sometimes I get in straight away. Then, donning all the PPE: gowns, gloves and masks. Walking into his room and processing the daily news from the nurse. Sitting with him as the monitors do their work and the tubes drip into him everything he needs. I am humbled at the care he receives and think of how technology during this global pandemic has risen to the challenge. Despite the folk that send me articles of how dangerous the medical profession is, I want to weep with gratitude for these men and women that keep my husband alive. I see the countless staff, sitting at stations like his nurse does. With lines outside the doors, reaching into his room. The wall of portable monitors and the stationary ones in his room. As I recognize the angels in his room I ponder the wonder of living in a country that is providing this level of care. Because this is what every patient in this ICU is getting. I look down the corridor and see the same thing at the dozens of doors.

I am grateful for the processing time as I leave the hospital and walk back to Abigail’s home. I am so grateful that this has been a lovely fall season out here. I check in on her and then make my way home to Toby and to try to unpack more of our things. This has been the slowest unpack of our lives.

Next week I will start back to work half days. In the afternoons only as I think that is all I have in me for now.

Perhaps more today than you might need.

Sending love,

Always